16 September 2013
How to Lose Hope With Dating
Meet new people. Grow attached to them, so attached that you think there might be hope for the two of you. Think about all the things that the two of you can do together. Someone to hold your hand and do silly little things with you.
Start imagining what your dream love must have. She must be cute, pretty, smart, and have a sense of humor. Be intelligent and witty. She must have a good smile. Likes corny romantic movies. Her hair must fall a certain way when she reads.
Daydream about bringing her along to hang out with your friends. Showing her off and looking at the jealous stares your friends occasionally give her. Telling them the qualities that made you fall in love with her in the first place. Maybe it was her smile, how it made your heart nearly stop beating every time she looked at you. Or maybe it was how she tends to hold your hand and kiss you when you least expect it. As you ramble on about these qualities, your friends' eyes widen with envy.
But then you look at yourself, and you start to have doubts. Now that you look at it, how did you get to be with her in the first place. Magazines, books, online articles, all of them say that you deserve only the best that the world offers you. But now that you have her, how do you know that she'll stay around forever? What's to stop her from going away to find someone that's "on her level" as the saying goes? But no, you start to believe that you can never be good enough.
Meet person after person that you like. Constantly be rejected. Have your hopes crushed again and again. Start building walls in order to not be hurt again. Cut off contact with people just so you can be on your own. Tell yourself that no one will ever be able to live up to your expectations.
Yet, when you do meet someone new, you lower your walls despite the warning signs. You want it, but you've been scarred so many times you don't want it.
Hole yourself in your room and watch TV show after TV show in order to forget the last "relationship" that you had. Immerse yourself in fantasy worlds that can never happen, at least in your lifetime. Forget that there is the "real world" out there, and live in your own world. Pretty soon you'll force yourself to believe that your world, a world where you are alone, is the best one out there. But you still can't escape the feeling that you need to have something that's missing. Sometimes you can't really put a finger on it, but it's constantly there. Exhausted from all the TV watching, you go to sleep, only to wake up the next day to repeat this pattern.